Submitted by Courtney Lynn on 08/31/17
Congratulations! You’ve won four-hundred million from the lottery. Your first thought is to buy that yacht you have had your eyes on—but was not able to buy because of your family or kids or you are still trying to pay off tens-of-thousands of dollars in college debt or something like that. But how do you plan on moving that yacht from the coasts of San Francisco to the right under the Cuyahoga River (the most lit river ever)? Of course, you have to bring it everywhere, and nothing weighing a couple of tons is not going to move; unless it’s your mom (I’m just kidding; I’m sure your mom is a nice lady). There are people who can pick your boat up and carry it coast to coast, and they probably have nice arms from all that heavy lifting. Who does this magic? A-1 Auto Transport!
A-1 Auto Transport offers many services when transporting your boats. Imagine this scenario; a semi truck overturns on the highway—a semi truck full of snakes—that crashes right as your boat is being transported. Snakes! Snakes everywhere, in the air, in your boat’s chair! At A-1 Auto Transport they can shrink wrap your boat. And, as everyone knows, snakes are unable to permeate shrink wrap. No snake diffusion for you. A-1 Auto Transport has insurance, and if your boat was damaged by snakes, they can take care of it. Another service is the RoRo row your boat right on to the carrier and it will roll away (most likely to your destination). They also deliver right to your door! No, the boat will not fit through your doorway; you are responsible for damages if you attempt that. Many yachts do not fit into shipping containers, so they have cranes to pick up your boat and put it on a vessel. Since your yacht is now your baby, they can also provide you with a cradle. It will even rock if your yacht starts to weep. Suppose you do not want your boat to touch land, they have the services for you! This service is known as submersion, but they do not drown the boat; that would be rude. They have 19,009 drones that have carried boats to the destination. They can also place the yacht on a transport vessel; thus it never touches land. If in a tragic set of events where North Korea was to bomb your yacht, they also transport salvaged yachts (not North Korea—those guys are not nice—A-1 Auto Transport transports salvaged yachts). They have GPS tracking capabilities to tell you where your boat is at any time in case it was to escape.
Step one to having bangers on every coast: measure your yacht (or just pay someone to; you have like 400 million—minus a yacht). Measure the front bow of your hot yacht to the middle of the stern. Please make sure your measurements are in cubits; you wouldn’t want to confuse the auto-transport gods. Next, you would need to measure the height, and this involves advanced calculus. And by advanced calculus, I mean no calculus. You just measure the lowest most structural beam to the highest most structural beam (not including removable parts). You have to be pretty tall for that step. Lastly, you must measure the width at the widest part. I suggest measuring the tallest people you know then having them lie across the boat.
Another step before transportation is cleaning off the boat. Please remove the dirt, grime, and glitter. Securing latches and windows is vital; you wouldn’t want your demons getting out. Make sure personal items are removed—again, you wouldn’t want your demons getting out. Also, make sure that electrical and gas powered items are disabled and flammable items are removed; since you don’t want to get it until you are in the water. Have necessary documentation prepared. Also, secure loose ropes and gear; you would not want to harm any snakes. If your boat is shipped during the offseason, it would be smart to have it winterized in addition to draining pumps. Yes, snow and ice are water, but your boat is not going to like that type of water…remember what happened to the Titanic?
You know the services they provide and what you should do to ship your boat, but why choose A-1 Auto Transport? “Our staff goes through a vigorous training to equip them with the relevant skills needed to ship your yacht safely to all destinations across the world,” they say. This may or may not include fighting sharks in chain mail suits in order to protect yachts and training in snake wrangling. And, again, they have insurance to cover damages even if they do not have shark fighters and snake wranglers. They also state, “Time is of the essence for yacht owners going on vacations. We work round the clock to deliver your yacht at the agreed destination on time.” Have you heard of quantum teleportation? They basically have yacht um teleportation, it is like that fast, so you can return to your Gatsby parties quickly.
If you want people who are highly trained, have insurance, and are fast at what they do, you can rely on A-1 Auto Transportation. It can be scary; it can cost a lot of money, but if you take proper precautions, you should not worry. Your boat is their priority.
 Never force something into an unconditional box; let things be as they are. Not everything must conform.
 This service is still in the experimental stage and may not be available for public use yet.
 Even though they are transport gods, they probably do not want your yacht full of animals (especially Zebra mussels; screw those guys); though, they will accommodate for many things: “we can accommodate shipping requests of any kind.”
 Note: If the people move before you convert their heights to cubits, your life may be in danger.
 You may run into trouble if transporting an illegal immigrant boat; please be familiar with boat laws.